


I Need You Here

by freckledfoxes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 9x09 coda, Gen, Major Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-10
Updated: 2013-12-10
Packaged: 2018-01-04 05:36:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1077148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freckledfoxes/pseuds/freckledfoxes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The events immediately following the end of the midseason finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Need You Here

Dean sat on the floor of the library for hours, half his body totally numb before he decided to get up. He wiped at his face, still sticky and raw with tears. Kevin’s body still to lay in the middle of the room where it had dropped when the angel inside his brother had killed him, but Dean refused to look again; refused to go anywhere near the body of the boy who was  _his_ responsibility. The boy he’d promised himself he’d keep safe. He would get Kevin through this until it was over, when Kevin could go off and have a normal life.

But there Kevin lay, in the middle of the cold, hardwood floor, his eyes burned out of his skull.

His stomach turned over when he finally got the feeling back in his legs. He took a deep breath, tried to hold back the bile rising up in his throat, but to no avail. Dean stumbled to the waste basket and crumbled to the floor once more, heaving, gagging, and spitting until he was blue in the face.

A sob escaped him when he could finally catch his breath and he balled his hands into fists against the floor. He leaned his head on the edge of the basket and coughed as sob after sob escaped his already shredded lungs. He couldn’t stop any of his cries or his tears. He was shaking apart; crumbling under the weight of the guilt and the sadness.

He was alone. All alone. Sam was gone, or so the angel, whoever he was, inside his brother had told him. Kevin was dead. Dean lied and this is what happened. Cas was gone, too, because Dean had to lie, had to push Cas away or risk his brother getting hurt…

And it was all for nothing.

Dean could finally pull himself back to his feet weakly, his knees wobbling beneath him. He sniffed and wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand, a shaky sigh escaping him as he pulled it away.

It was quiet now. So quiet, and all Dean could hear was the  _tick-tock_  of a clock somewhere off in one of the rooms and the hum of the heater in another. The white noise buzzed through his brain; whirred and sizzled like static and it made Dean dizzy.

He stumbled out of the library, unable to even think about doing anything with Kevin’s body right then. He couldn’t think about Kevin over a fire or in a box as he shoveled dirt over it. He couldn’t do it. He was just a kid. But Dean wouldn’t deal with that right now.

Once in the bathroom, Dean staggered to the sink and turned on the cold water. He splashed his face, needing the sweat and the tears and the bile off of his skin; needing to wash away all of the filth of the day. He scrubbed at his skin, dug his nails into himself, trying desperately to feel clean.

He didn’t.

Dean gripped the edges of the sink, hanging his head and staring down into the white porcelain while a million and one thoughts rushed through his mind. Thoughts of self-loathing, of guilt, of blame… They wouldn’t stop.  _Couldn’t_  stop. They kept coming, eating at him from the inside out until he was shaking all over, his fingers knotted into his hair. He was falling apart at his already fraying seams.

Tears dripped down his cheeks, falling with soft  _pats_  into the sink. He took a deep, shaky break, and it hurt his throat and lungs like shards of glass tearing at his insides. He dropped to his knees and clasped his hands in front of him, bowing his head as his shoulders shook with silent cries.

“H-Hey… Hey, Cas?” He started, voice breaking over the name of his best friend. He swallowed hard around a lump in his throat. “Hey, uh… Don’t know if you—if you can hear me now, but, uh—I’m just—Something really bad just happened and I—I’m not sure what to do. I’m not sure…

“Ez—No, I don’t know who he is, but the angel that was supposed to help Sam, he took off with him. With Sam… And he… he…” Dean squeezed his eyes shut tighter and took another deep, steadying breath. He cleared his throat. “Kevin’s dead, Cas. I couldn’t fucking s-stop it. What do I—This is all my fault. Sam is gone and Kevin’s dead and you’re God knows where… Because of me. And I don’t know what to do…” He choked on a sob that bubbled up from his lungs and more tears dripped down his cheeks. “I d-don’t know what to do.”

He set his forehead against his tangled knuckles and he sniffled. “Can you just… Cas, I need—I need you  _here_. For the love of God, I need you here,  _please._ Get here or call me or whatever you can do, I just need you. I—“

He was startled out of his prayer by his phone suddenly buzzing in his pocket. He pulled it out quickly and answered.

“Cas?”

“Dean. I got to a phone as soon as I could.”

Dean’s mouth was suddenly dry and he licked his lips. Something twisted in his stomach, sending a warm feeling through his body. “You can hear me prayin’ to you again?”

“That seems to be one of my powers, yes. But I’m afraid I’m very far away from the bunker, Dean.”

Dean cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I know—I just… Cas, I don’t know what to do.”

There was a long pause. Dean could only hear the background noise of cars and static, and for a moment he thought, with a sinking feeling, perhaps Cas had gone.

“Cas?” he asked shakily.

“I can be there by ten tomorrow morning,” came Cas’ reply quickly. “I think I have enough money saved for a bus. Is that soon enough?”

Dean let out a breath of relief and he nodded quickly. “Yeah. Yes. Just—Just please come home. Please. I’m fucking—I don’t know what to do, Cas.”

“We’ll figure it out when I get there, Dean. I’ll be there soon.”

“Fuck, thank you… Thank you, Cas.”

“I’ll see you soon, Dean. I won’t be able to contact you until I’m off of the bus, but if you need to, you can pray to me again. I’ll listen.”

That warm feeling twisted through Dean’s insides again and he nodded, running a hand over his face. “Okay, Cas.”

“Goodbye, Dean.”


End file.
